“I just want to make sure you all know why you’re here,” Madonna says at the top of a five-minute video posted to her YouTube channel and other social platforms Tuesday morning. “In this room, all bets are off.”
Seated around the large table are many of the funniest comedians working right now, an eclectic mix that includes everyone from established superstars like Amy Schumer and Judd Apatow to zeitgeisty up-and-comers like Megan Stalter and Kate Berlant.
They are, we learn, there to play truth or dare—including Madonna’s opening dare for Schumer to demonstrate how she “licks her husband’s asshole” using a circular taralli cracker—but mostly to help the iconic singer announce her upcoming “Celebration Tour,” which is set to kick off in Vancouver this July before traveling throughout the U.S. over the summer and moving to Europe for the fall.
After calling the whole scene “sad and gross,” comedian Eric Andre dares Diplo to “dip your balls in the margarita and then finish the rest of it.” Moments later, Madonna and Jack Black are making out. Also, Lil Wayne is there.
Naturally, it all culminates with Schumer, who has both opened for Madonna and had Madonna introduce her at Madison Square Garden, daring the singer to “do a world tour and play your greatest motherfucking hits.”
“You think people would come to that show?” Madonna wonders aloud, teasing 40 years of hits including “Like a Virgin” and “La Isla Bonita,” before answering her own question with a decisive, “Fuck yeah.”